Relationships after divorce are wonderful! Whether it’s a new friendship, a fun summer fling, or a deep love, I think relationships after divorce are richer, more fulfilling and more appreciated than they are in our younger days. Read what this man writes, followed by my advice:
I’ve met this extraordinary, smart and beautiful woman that has young girls from a previous marriage. They got divorced two years ago, same as I did. We have had a chance to socialize a few times but have not dated yet. In conversations she pointed out that her daughters are her top priority and she’s not looking for a new relationship. Yet, we are developing a very open minded friendship. I really like her a lot and she’s receptive. Should I pursue a relationship? I know I have to respect her space, her daughters, but how can I avoid getting in the friend zone indefinitely? I know patience would be worthwhile as she is the most amazing woman I have ever met.
The first thing I want to say is congrats! Whatever happens with this woman, you have found a special connection, and are feeling these wonderful feelings. That’s a great thing, especially after divorce, when lots of times people wonder if they will ever have sparks and a deep liking or love for anyone again.
With that said, I think the key here is patience. I honestly don’t believe a woman would show that much interest in you if she just wanted to be friends. So, what I’m saying is, I think she likes ya! But it sounds like she is still mourning and healing from her divorce, and finding safety and peace through her two children, (and through a platonic male friend) which is understandable. She sounds very scared of love, probably the result of the trauma and difficulty of her marriage and her divorce.
I think in relationships after divorce, people have to be willing to take what we can get. What I mean by that is, hypothetically, if she said to you, “I just want to be friends and this is never going to turn into anything else,” would you cut off contact with her? If yes, why would you do that? You enjoy her, respect her and have fun and interesting conversations with her. So, if that is all she is willing to give, you have two choices. Accept it and enjoy the friendship (which is the smart thing to do because it makes you happy) or end the friendship.
Relationships after divorce, in my opinion don’t have to be as defined as we expected when we were younger. In other words, why do you have to know what it is? Relationships after divorce are richer and better and more appreciated, and so there’s less of a need to call someone “my girlfriend” or “my boyfriend.” Don’t get me wrong. That’s nice. But relationships after divorce tend to be less defined and more about the quality of the time spent together and the connection.
My advice in this case is to give her time to heal, and give her a chance to get to know you better. I’m sure it isn’t easy, but if you really like her a lot, she will be worth the wait. That said, don’t cut yourself off from dating other women right now. You might be surprised by someone else, and I certainly don’t believe in sitting around waiting for someone to be ready for a romance.
This woman sounds great, though, and things might end up blissful between the two of you. But for now, continue to be you, continue supporting her and being her friend. And when the time is right, tell her how you feel. You might be delighted or you might not like her response. You can’t control her readiness to be in a relationship or the time it takes her to heal from the past. The only thing you can control is you and how you are when you are with her. So again, just be you. It sounds like it’s working!
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