Dating Advice: "I Want To See Her More Often"

Jackie, I need some dating advice. I’ve been on a handful of dates with a woman, who my gut says is a truly sweet, genuine woman. We’ve had great dates, talking, laughing etc. for hours on end.

 I’ve expressed to her that I want to see her more often. But as it stands, I get to see her once a week. I know she has a busy schedule, and she does call me on occasion, but I feel almost like I’m “out of sight, out of mind.” Not sure how to handle this. Any suggestions?

First of all, the fact that you met a woman you enjoy so much is great! You do understand that isn’t easy, right? “Talking, laughing for hours on end” is special and significant! So, congrats!

You are reminding me somewhat of myself in the “I want more” stance you’ve taken on this relationship, and I say that not in a good way. I tend to be a person who when I find something good, I go to the extreme, and immediately become disappointed when the reality of life can’t keep up with my insane infatuation. To back up what I’m saying, I have been told by men, “It’s never enough for you,” and “You have a case of the more’s.” It’s just how I’m built. But, I recognize it, which helps me not do it as much. I want you to recognize it, too.

This woman sounds great! I’m not sure why she has such a busy schedule, but if I had to guess, she probably has a full time job and/or kids. So, being someone who has both of these, I can attest to the fact that fitting dates into my life isn’t always easy.

My advice to you is be patient. Let the relationship take its natural course. You have told her what you want: to see her more. You don’t have to tell her again for two reasons. One, she might be off put by it, since in her mind, she is giving all she can, and two, your asking doesn’t seem to be changing anything. She will see you more when and if she ends up being able to make time to do that. I personally think she will.

Regarding your theory that you are “out of sight, out of mind” to her, I completely disagree. First of all, if she calls you on occasion, that says something. But even more so, there’s something else. I can only speak about what I know, which is men and women who are a little bit older, who have kids and who work. When we get into relationships, there can be two weeks that go by from date to date (even in the most serious and loving, long term romantic relationships.) Why? Basketball tournaments, work trips, sick kids, family vacations, someone’s ex being out of town for an extended period of time.

My point is, enjoying and savoring the time you can have together is what matters most, not the actual number of times a week you see each other. In other words, I don’t think you are as “out of sight out of mind” as you think. I believe she is thinking nothing but nice thoughts about you during her busy life.

Again, be patient. Keep enjoying her and accepting her pace and what she can offer. I will say this. If a lot more time goes by and nothing has changed, you have a decision to make. Keep the relationship the way she wants it or break up. But let’s not worry about that yet. It’s too early. My gut feeling: she digs you!

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Guy Grinning is a blog for men facing divorce and dating after divorce. It's kind of like hanging out with your platonic female divorced friend and hearing her perspective on your divorce and your love life issues.